Warning: This article may be NSFW ;)
Go on with your bad self Mother Natch! It could be that we have our heads in the gutter but we can't help but notice that nature can be very naughty at times. So it seems only appropriate that we highlight the many ways nature can be real sexy for Valentine's Day. This might be a good time to look within and find out if you are ecosexual...we'll explain later 😉🌿
1. Geoducks: The Peen of the Sea
Chill...it's a clam. Geoducks are the Earth's largest burrowing clam. And they can get BIG! The length of its neck can actually extend to the size of a baseball bat. This clam is also considered to be a delicacy and primarily eaten raw! Some people say that it resembles an elephants' snout but we know what you're really thinking. It looks like a... prehistoric earthworm.
Fun fact! Geoducks are located off the coasts of Western Canada as well as the Pacific Northwest. Many of them can be found in the Puget Sound which is one of the locations we're planting trees for our Orca Project.
2. Diego: The Tortoise, The Myth, The Legend
Age is just a number and this handsome 100-year-old tortoise named Diego proves it! It is believed that of the 2,000 tortoises on Española Island in the Galapagos 40% are now descendants of Diego. He was a busy boy! Diego was part of a conservation effort which focused on the breeding of his species in order to increase the population. Of the males in this study, Diego displayed an above average sex drive. His success has since lead to his retirement, though we have a feeling he'd be happy to come back to "work" anytime... you know for conservation reasons.
3. Ecosexuality, the Loving Way to Fight Climate Change
Identifying as an ecosexual could mean a couple of things, but the movement of ecosexuality has become much more mainstream in the past four years. This could be due to the climate crisis making people realize how much they love the planet. Anyway, you are here for the dirty details. Am I right?
There is no solid definition of what it means to be ecosexual. For some, it means choosing an eco-friendly condom brand, while for others it could be that you get a bit turned on from rubbing soil all over your body. There has even been some buzz about people who get intimate with trees. We're not here to judge, love is love so long as you are being a sweet and kind lover to mama nature.
4. Let's Do it, Ride it, My Pona (Palm Tree)
The pona plam tree or Iriartea deltoidea can be found in Central and South America. The more simple name it is known for is "penis tree". Can't imagine why it is known by that name! Okay, yes we can. Obviously this is because of the distinctive roots that grow from the tree. These are called stilt or buttress roots and many trees have them, it's just that not many trees grow them to look so...phallic.
5. Everyone's Favorite Forest Vulva
Whoever named this flower really chickened out. The Moccasin Flower or Pink Lady's Slipper can be found growing in mixed hardwood coniferous forests in the northeastern United States as well as parts of Canada. To describe the flower we are going to use some of our favorite quotes from the internet!
"The pouch is mauve to magenta and has a split in the front instead of the usual round opening."
"Unlike most other species of Cypripedium, the pouch of C. acaule opens in a slit that runs down the front of the labellum rather than a round opening."
"Pink Lady's Slippers are pollinated by bees that enter the flower through the slit in the front of the pouch."
Seems like we are just tip-toeing around the fact that this flower looks like a... comfortable slipper 😁
6. Pine Cone Sex
Pine trees have weird sex... Ok now that we have your attention, it's more like propagation in the plant world. Pine trees have both male and female pine cones. The male pine cones are pollen bearing. In the spring, wind will carry the pollen from the male pine cones to female pine cones whose scales will open to receive the pollen and eventually close. Some cones will open at maturity to produce seeds while others will eventually rot away to release their seeds. Either way, seems like a nice equal distribution of parental responsibilities 😏
7. Nature is Beautiful
We'll leave you with this bootylicious tree to remind you that we're not so different from the natural world around us. Trees, just like people, come in all shapes and sizes and deserve to be loved!
Thank you for taking this dirty journey with us for Valentine's Day. If you realized that you are ecosexual or just really love nature, let's take care of our amazing planet so that we can continue to gawk at all her mysterious wonders. One way you can do that is by ditching the paper Valentine's Day cards this year and send your loved ones an e-card that plants a tree!
We plant trees on 4 continents around the world. Want to choose where yours are planted?
by Kaylee Brzezinski